The Confession

This was rewritten inadvertently. What made me think of it was my earlier post about how ridiculous it is to think that anyone would confess their crimes in public. But it was well placed to support my accusations against Seth Macfarlane. Bless me father for I have sinned. It's been a dog's age since my last confession. Go on, my son. Let me think... Well, I don't know if this counts as a sin but... Yes? I framed a priest for dealing child pornography. Good heavens! And I raped his sister. You raped his sister? The nun. I see. Is that all? Like I said, I'm basically a good person. I'm just a little mischievous. Like when I poisoned the bishop. That was you! Or like when I mixed vanilla wafers in with the hosts and when I spit in the sacramental wine. Anything else? Nothing outstanding. I burned down the orphanage. That caused eight fatalities! That's not even in the double digits. So what will it be, father? Ten Hail Mary's? If you can still speak. What do you mean, father? After you've been drawn and quartered! We save our Inquisition for sinners like you! Seize him! (Enter Vatican guards. They grab the confessor and drag him away.)
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© 2007, 2014. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.